What's your totem?
This happened again just the other night. I was recovering from the flu and found myself standing in my college dorm room. And I was SO confused! I knew it was past time to choose a roommate for this year, and I wasn't even sure if I had applied or made work arrangements....but why couldn't I remember who I roomed with last year? I really would've liked to have roomed with them again this year because it seemed to work out very well. I slowly turned around and saw every detail clearly. The shower basket under the sink, the nail polish bottles lined up under the mirror, the pile of Top Ramen next to the Hot Pot, the comforter that was never quite warm enough. This year I needed to fix that. I would sew two twin sheets together and make a duvet cover for a warmer blanket. My roommate could choose the sheets. We'd have matching bedspreads!
Yeah...it was THAT bad. My eyes snapped open and I was worn out, lying in the middle of my torn up bed, sweaty, confused, and completely foggy. I rolled over and texted my husband to give me a dose of reality because I had had a really real dream that I was back in college. He texted back asking if I had picked my classes. Thanks Hon!
I related the story to my kids later that day and they all shared their lucid-like dreams that had been SO REAL. We all have them. I can't remember all the dreams I dream, but some just stay with a person. My son decided this was a great time to watch the movie "Inception." Somehow I was the only person in the family who hadn't seen it.
If you haven't seen it, it is quite thought-provoking. It talks about things like dream-within-a-dream, changing one's outside reality by messing with facts inside a dream, etc. It was a really good movie. One of the things that stuck with me is the main character, Leonardo DiCaprio (I know, 'nuff said), recommended to his new protege that she choose for herself a totem. This totem would be made by her to fall in a certain way every time and would show her whether or not she was in a dream, or in reality. It was imperative that she keep this with her at all times. His was a top that would topple eventually if he was in reality, but would keep spinning indefinitely if he was in a dream and needed to get out. Interesting concept. Lifesaving concept it turns out.
I used to joke with one of my partners when I worked private ambulance. When you work for 24 hours at a time with someone that you can't be more than ear shot away from, you tend to get pretty lippy sometimes...and I swear that is the ONLY time my sarcasm comes out! ;) Well one morning he was giving me grief about something and I fired back at him "Oh yeah?? Well you may have your opinion, but I have REALITY!!" So that was the joke of the day. Of course he smeared my face in it at 0400 the next morning as I was wrestling with a tweaked out patient in the back of the rig. "How's your reality NOW KP??"
All this begs the question. What is your totem? What's your true North? Are you sure it's real?
The other day my family and I were discussing religion versus Christianity. I tend to think they are two totally unrelated things. This is just where I am on my journey right now. I think God knows that I am such a simple creature, that I don't need to worry about anything more than having Him as my Savior, who can handle anything I throw at Him, who loves me more than I could possibly ever fathom, and who offers me this amazing thing called grace that I don't deserve even with my best ever effort. Yes. Learning about Him and His ways and thoughts as I read in the Bible is enough for me. I don't need ritual or rhetoric. Arguments in the name of improved spiritual understanding just leave me cold. What fires me up is that I can count on God. I KNOW that for a fact. I have seen it with my wide-awake eyes. HE is my totem. When I slow down and remember my options, and give all my concerns to Him, he has them handled immediately. End story. It really doesn't get any simpler than that. He is my reality.
Oh - and I finally figured out who that roommate was last year. Yeah. Things worked out so well that I'm gonna see if he wants to sign up for another year!
Make it a great day!!
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