I hear you, dot.
Oh the things I learn from my children.
I entered this venture of parenthood with such lofty dreams. Oh the knowledge I would impart! I pictured precious little upturned faces with traces of peanut butter in the corners of their mouths, looking up at me as I intoned wisdom. Nuggets of wisdom that would make their lives easier, their characters stouter, their paths smoother. Yes...I would be the ultimate Mother...I would!! :)
Doesn't reality have a way of just kinda bringing you down a peg or eight? Mhmmm...looking back on 19 years of parenting, I see a whole lot of none of the above. That blasted humanity SUCKS!!
But in spite of many moments I would rather do over and be better at, my husband and I, through the grace of God, have spawned two wonderful kids. I love my kids. They brighten my day in so many different ways. They have gracefully and subtly morphed from children who needed help with everything, into young astute adults who know just when to offer a hug or encouraging word, or a bit of humor. I am truly blessed.
All that being said, I still am learning to be a parent. The other day my daughter and I were talking about how things were going here at home. As you can imagine, parenting a 19 year old girl is far different from a 9 or 16 year old. There is a steep gradient of adulthood that has somehow crept in. There are differences of opinions that suddenly (gasp!) need to be acknowledged and honored versus guiding a different direction.
How to navigate this? Through lots of prayer and direct communication, which we are really good at thankfully. Hence the conversation while we were doing dishes. It's always easier to talk about things while working side by side. I enjoy our conversations and the ways in which I see my daughter coming in to her own. This of course does not come without a certain pang of sadness that soon my role as her Mama will probably be filled from a bit further away. Sniff.
She and I have agreed to disagree on a few topics. But she really caught my attention when she said these words. "Mama, what I really need from you and Daddy are these words when we are having a discussion. I need you to look at me and say, 'I hear you, dot.' Not 'I hear you, but....'" Whoa. That was a brilliant thought, and so well said. I hear you.
I hear you. It implies that the listener has been paying attention to the person's views, and honors them. Period. No trying to change their mind about something, no disagreement. Just a sounding board.
The thought gave me pause...a lot of pause. And I like it. I WANT those closest to me to feel comfortable bringing their thoughts to me. Not just the ones I agree with. Who says I've got it all tied up anyway? The older I get, the more wrong I can be about things it seems. (Thudding sound as dear husband hits the floor).
Imagine with me how things would look if other people adopted this thought. Like politicians, church leaders, activists?? Could be life-altering!
So - my challenge to you today is simple. Think of one relationship in your life that may be a bit rocky. And try taking that person out for a cup of coffee, and keeping your words down to three.
Make it a great day!!
I entered this venture of parenthood with such lofty dreams. Oh the knowledge I would impart! I pictured precious little upturned faces with traces of peanut butter in the corners of their mouths, looking up at me as I intoned wisdom. Nuggets of wisdom that would make their lives easier, their characters stouter, their paths smoother. Yes...I would be the ultimate Mother...I would!! :)
Doesn't reality have a way of just kinda bringing you down a peg or eight? Mhmmm...looking back on 19 years of parenting, I see a whole lot of none of the above. That blasted humanity SUCKS!!
But in spite of many moments I would rather do over and be better at, my husband and I, through the grace of God, have spawned two wonderful kids. I love my kids. They brighten my day in so many different ways. They have gracefully and subtly morphed from children who needed help with everything, into young astute adults who know just when to offer a hug or encouraging word, or a bit of humor. I am truly blessed.
All that being said, I still am learning to be a parent. The other day my daughter and I were talking about how things were going here at home. As you can imagine, parenting a 19 year old girl is far different from a 9 or 16 year old. There is a steep gradient of adulthood that has somehow crept in. There are differences of opinions that suddenly (gasp!) need to be acknowledged and honored versus guiding a different direction.
How to navigate this? Through lots of prayer and direct communication, which we are really good at thankfully. Hence the conversation while we were doing dishes. It's always easier to talk about things while working side by side. I enjoy our conversations and the ways in which I see my daughter coming in to her own. This of course does not come without a certain pang of sadness that soon my role as her Mama will probably be filled from a bit further away. Sniff.
She and I have agreed to disagree on a few topics. But she really caught my attention when she said these words. "Mama, what I really need from you and Daddy are these words when we are having a discussion. I need you to look at me and say, 'I hear you, dot.' Not 'I hear you, but....'" Whoa. That was a brilliant thought, and so well said. I hear you.
I hear you. It implies that the listener has been paying attention to the person's views, and honors them. Period. No trying to change their mind about something, no disagreement. Just a sounding board.
The thought gave me pause...a lot of pause. And I like it. I WANT those closest to me to feel comfortable bringing their thoughts to me. Not just the ones I agree with. Who says I've got it all tied up anyway? The older I get, the more wrong I can be about things it seems. (Thudding sound as dear husband hits the floor).
Imagine with me how things would look if other people adopted this thought. Like politicians, church leaders, activists?? Could be life-altering!
So - my challenge to you today is simple. Think of one relationship in your life that may be a bit rocky. And try taking that person out for a cup of coffee, and keeping your words down to three.
Make it a great day!!
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