Be careful what you wish for!

I'm going to stop talking to God. Seriously. When I just casually mention things to him, he takes them so seriously that he provides me with exactly what I was musing about. Note the key word MUSING? There is apparently no "musing" while in conversation with the Almighty. I remember praying 11 years ago asking God to help me remember him more during the day. In my humanity I thought the manifestation would go something like this:

"Oh look! There's a butterfly flitting about me as I walk! God made that butterfly! Wow!! What a wonderful God we serve. God thank you for that beautiful butterfly!!" And off I would merrily skip until I saw the next butterfly, or gently waving tree, or...<insert wonderful nature item here>.

Not so. Oh no. Within a month of uttering that prayer, my husband was stricken with a horrible mysterious illness. Wracking cough, constant fevers of 105, blood vessels bursting in his eyes from coughing night and day, strange elephant like skin forming on his wrists and knees, severe joint pain. Chest xrays also showed a growth in his lungs. He was miserable. And like the champ that he is, he bravely endured many doctors poking and prodding and head shaking. He couldn't work, in fact, he GOT LAID OFF from work totally unrelated to this illness. AND, 2 of my perdiem jobs folded. All on the same day.

I fell flat on my face to my God. "God what is happening! I feel like Job!! (OMG check on the kids right now!!) You said you'd be with us through hard times but WHERE ARE YOU??? Why is my husband in so much pain??"

We couldn't find any medicine that would help his constant cough. We got through one day at a time. I worked when I could, he spent the day on the couch. I fussed over him and worried and prayed...a lot. And God showed up. He arranged for Troy to have an AMAZING severance package, he sent friends bearing bags and bags of groceries to our doorstep. He arranged for other friends to march into our home with arms full of cleaning supplies and they attacked our house as a birthday gift to me, so I could sit with my husband. Best present ever.

By now we were five weeks into this. I was scared. I was watching my husband slip right through my fingers. He had lost 30 pounds, he couldn't talk without coughing, it hurt to touch him anywhere, and still his fever raged.

I'm telling you there is nothing like the circumstances I have described above to help a person develop a close relationship with Christ. I breathed his name. I talked to him constantly. I prayed over my husband at night while he fitfully slept. I spent long hours on my knees in the dark of the night asking God for guidance and strength.

Troy had surgery to diagnose the mass in his lungs. They found that he had developed a rare autoimmune disorder known as sarcoidosis. What that means in a nutshell, is that proteins form in clumps in different areas of the body and cause inflammation. It usually just affects one bodily system. My husband unfortunately had 3 systems fully involved. Respiratory, musculoskeletal, and integumentary (skin).

And one day, just as mysteriously as it had appeared, the terrible scourge vanished...leaving us pale and shaky in its wake.  Troy was terribly weak for months.  Any exertion left him sweaty and coughing.  But over the days that turned into weeks, he was able to get stronger, sleep better, return to me.  What a HUGE relief.  He still has flare ups if he doesn't take care of himself, or tries to be superman in the gym.  But overall his health has been really good.  I, of course with my background, watch him like a hawk.  He can't get a crumb stuck crosswise without my brow furrowing and me doing the slow stroll in his direction.  He will look up at me and shake his head while holding up his stop sign hand.  At least he knows I'm ready to do compressions right??

So my point in all this is, after we were back to as normal as we get, I half-jokingly told Troy about my prayer in wanting to remember God more throughout the day.  He stared at me.  "Next time??" he said. "Next time you feel you need specific direction from God would you mind checking with me first??!" 

So here we are, 11 years later.  11 years of walking more closely with God and seeing His work in our lives on an almost daily basis.  Yes, we get distracted and our attention wanders down all sorts of dead end roads, but God has a way of gently (or not so gently in my case) guiding us back onto solid ground.

So uh, funny story.  A few months back I MUSED. I MUSED!! I mused to The Husband that I wondered if we could make it on one salary and save the other.  I also MUSED whether or not we could cut our possessions in half and not even miss what was missing?  BAM, within weeks, I had lost my job. Now I know that medically retiring is not the same as getting fired or laid off, but there is also no severance package or unemployment either.  For us this month, the rubber is literally hitting the road.  As in my running shoes pounding the pavement because that's where I talk to God best.  There's something about hearing the rhythmic slap of sole hitting the ground at the same time a hurting, fearful soul ascends heavenward.  It also may have something to do with the feeling of abject mortality as one is gasping for air upon running up a steep hill.  Either way, I have once again thrown myself at His feet for guidance and with absolute certainty that He's got this. 

When I look at our books, it is pretty obvious that with two kids in higher education, we are not going to be able to swing this on our own.  I am looking for work but it's not the same as the wonderful benefits I got as a Firefighter.  So we are buckling down and changing our habits...possibly selling some things we haven't used in a long time.

Long story short, I'm not worried.  11 years ago I may have been.  And even though I still have moments of "Whoa!  Things just got REAL!", it doesn't mean that I don't have faith that God is going to see us through.  It just means that he's got a MILLION ways of meeting our needs at his disposal.  I'm curious as to which ones he will choose this time?  

So I would urge you to live large, MUSE, take a God-centered risk.  He's got you!  He's not going to let you fall.  Hebrews 13:5 addresses my very issues right now.  "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"

Powerful stuff.  I've tested him.  Unwittingly at times.  And he always comes through.  So I know he's also going to come through for me when The Husband realizes where my latest musings have led us! :)  Go......

...make it a great day!