Fear....the great paralyzer

Have you ever been afraid?  Think back to the last time.  What caused your fear?  What made it better?  Does it return?

Fear to me is being unable to control some facet of my existence.  You may think by reading this blog that I am one giant control freak.  Maybe I am, there are certainly aspects of my life and daily job that I work mightily to ensure come out just right...is that being a control freak?? ;)  I prefer to think of it as being driven without being a perfectionist.  Being willing to put in the sweat equity to look ahead at possible outcomes of a decision, and working hard to make the best outcome happen.

But sometimes in spite of all that planning, and troubleshooting, and mitigating, life just has a way of veering off plan.  I think the true test of character is being able to maintain who you are and keep your head clear and in the game during those careening moments.  It keeps you centered and able to quickly get on course when the opportunity arises.

Ok - enough of a set up.  Today I had a moment of fear.  I will say a moment because it truly was just a moment.  But I can't guarantee that that one flicker might not be joined by other flickers and burgeon into a tiny flame.  That's where God comes in.

I need surgery.  I've had a quietly raging infection in my mastoid bones behind my right ear for the past 18 months.  I sustained an injury while fighting a fire about a year and a half ago (how one does that is anyone's guess....) and since then have been plagued with hearing issues, pain, fatigue...you name it.  I had an ear tube placed last April to help my ear drain since my eustachian tube got damaged somehow.  That helped initially...it meant I had to spend all summer and a recent trip to Hawaii with no time in the water.  So sad!! lol  But I was doing what was right to get this thing healed up.  Only it's not healing up.  It's worse.

SO - long story short, I had surgery scheduled to take out the tube and clean out the infection in December.  Over the course of the last few days my situation has worsened.  I now have constant drainage, pain, fever, fatigue to the point of "Must I get out of bed???" and a very foggy outlook on life.  Not good.  So my surgeon heard my pleas and moved the surgery to this Friday.  Yikes.  Not a lot of time to mentally prepare even with a non-fuzzy brain.  Hence the flicker of fear.  What if I lose even more hearing?  What if this doesn't work?  What if I sustain facial paralysis?  SHOOT!  I'D BETTER MAKE A QUICK APPOINTMENT TO GLAMOUR SHOTS WHILE I CAN STILL SMILE SYMMETRICALLY!!!  Ok I just dated myself drastically didn't I?? 

Instead of further researching my chances of all the above on the good ol' WWW, I turned to the Bible.  Search the words "fear", and "afraid" sometime on biblegateway.com  It's amazing.  It seems like fear struck the hearts of the most stalwart Christ followers.  It's such a human knee-jerk reaction.  I want to replace that reaction in my life with assurance from God that he's got this. 

Read this from the Message in Isaiah 43:1-4, "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.  I've called your name.  You're mine.  When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.  When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.  When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end - Because I am GOD, your personal God!"

I have a personal God??  Hallelujah!!  He must've KNOWN I'd need one!! And this God is no slouch!  He's got things covered from the beginning to the end. He hears our prayers before we even utter them.  

I love this also from Psalms 62:7-8, "My help and glory are in God - granite-strength and safe-harbor God. So trust him absolutely people.  Lay your lives on the line for him.  God is a safe place to be."

Yes...God is a safe place to be.  Granite-strength...safe-harbor.  Word pictures that you can sink your teeth into.  I can visualize him handling all my concerns with humble excellence and absolute authority.  I'm a lucky Child of the King!! And so are you.  Grab that gift...he promises to melt our fears and anxiety away in an instant. 

 Yes - I still have an infection.  Yes - I'm still having surgery on Friday with a host of unknowns.  All of that suddenly seems so small.  Because I have a huge "known."  His name is Jesus.  

Make it a great day!!