I dreamed a dream....
....holy cow did I ever! It was one of those dreams where, upon fully remembering it, causes one to think "I really need to make an appointment with that therapist!" :) I had gotten in from work last night at around 0100 and was so happy to be in my warm, cozy bed. When The Husband's alarm went off this morning I mumbled a few words of devotion in his general direction and sleepily planted a good-day kiss somewhere in the region of his left ear before I rolled back over and slid behind the curtain of slumber. It wasn't until later this morning while I was stirring and restirring the cream into my coffee that I snapped into the alertness of "Good COW! THAT was a crazy dream!!" and lunged for my computer before it faded away.
Here's the setting:
It was a reunion of my high school graduating class. The year isn't clear. But somehow we were able to recreate graduation practice from all those many years ago, and our present day selves were able to interact with our previous selves from 27 or so years ago. Intrigued? Yeah, this is why it's blogworthy. I was kind of hovering over the set up. I could see my marching partner who happened to be class President, and myself, who happened to be a co-vice-president, standing up in front in the gymnasium where we graduated. Everyone was wearing the clothes they had worn for their Senior class pictures. It was clear down to the minute details. We were waiting for the music to start for our recessional and we were standing in little groups chatting. Drifting around me were my closest buddies. My posse from high school. We ran around in a gang of five girls. We weren't exclusive, but we generally ate together, roomed close by one another, (yes, boarding school...explains so much don't it?), and helped each other through the ups and downs of dating and undating, study groups, and all the fun melee that is high school. We were so close that we all took a two week trip to Hawaii the fall after we graduated. Yup, unchaperoned. Five 18 year olds that had so much to learn, but knew that the most important thing was keeping your friends close, took Maui by storm. I'm pretty sure some of the natives there aren't quite the same yet. We've followed each other through life. After college we started a round robin letter that kind of died a slow death with the advent of Facebook. We even all met up at the home of the one of us most centrally located several years into our adult lives. The five of us, sleeping on her living room floor, giggling long into the night. Comparing memories, sharing pics of our children and adventures, reveling in just being together again. Man I love those women! I must include a picture of them. :)
So...back to my dream. While we were waiting for the music to start, I found myself on floor level, walking slowly up to my 17 year old self. I approached from her side, she didn't see me right away. I took in the yellow dress with the periwinkle scarf that I had chosen so carefully to set off my summer tan before pictures were taken, the well-toned calves (Thanks Grandpa Libby for the heritage) from running and training horses, the way she stood and listened to her friends. She really enjoyed these people. I gently touched her on the arm and she turned towards me. She looked right at me, and I could see her eyes widen as the shock of recognition slowly spread over her features. Her mouth opened slightly. I looked into my 17 year old eyes. My first thoughts as a 44 year old were "Wow! I wore a lot of eye makeup! Whoa, I curled my eyelashes back then? She's pretty, in a take-the-world-by-storm kind of way" It was surreal. My dreams are so vivid. Being connected but seeing my earlier self so objectively.
As her gaze traveled down and then back up, I recall wondering what she was thinking. Hmmm...I never thought I'd go red...I guess my growth spurt never really happened! Her eyes crinkled a little as she saw my laugh lines and eye definition that has been finely tuned over the years. I found myself surprisingly not cringing under her scrutiny. In that split second I became proud of the story my mature form told. I had earned every single characteristic that was different from her young, relatively flawless body.
I looked her over in pure delight at being able to see that young girl again. She looked so strong and confident. I wondered if I could fit into that yellow dress again, but what a small waist, and yikes...I have been sturdy my WHOLE life. :)
I was flooded with the thoughts and dreams of my pre-adult self. It was such a fast realization. I remember her black and white world of absolutes. I wondered if I had compromised over time. Had I let her down? Had I caved on the really important stuff? Would she be proud of what I had built on the foundation she had so thoughtfully laid?
In my dream, as she finished her slow appraisal, she opened her mouth to say something. I leaned forward to catch every word. And then.....my husband's cheery little chime of an alarm went off, and she vanished. Drat it all!! How does that ALWAYS happen?? I swear that God has a dream machine. Here's how I see it. It's like an amphitheater where all the angels gather after protecting their charges all day, singing "Hallelujah!" countless time that don't seem countless to them, and in generally just being angelic. So they all file into this amphitheater for a bit of downtime and lets-vex-an-earthling. The dream starts for the chosen one of the human race and God throws in twists and turns, and JUST AS THE CRUX OF THE DREAM IS ABOUT TO OCCUR, the holy grail is almost captured - the lips of that boy are alllllmost to be tasted (back to high school) - the pinnacle of that mountain is just inches away from being conquered, God bellows in his big booming voice, "Cue the alarm!!!" Why?? Drives me crazy!!!
I've tried to see the positive in this, and have decided that it allows us to create our own ending to our dreams. I've always taken great editorial license in doing just that. Amazingly, we can do this in life too can't we? Now there's a thought for the day. One that you've likely heard uttered from this blog before!
I will never know what words my psyche would have formed for my 17 year old self to say to my 44 year old present self. That will always be a mystery. But I can draw from the dream that no matter if all of your hopes and visions for the future have come true, it's never too late to start working on them. With God's help and guidance, we can overcome HUGE obstacles, the least of which come from our very own present-day mind.
I have some thinking to do, I'm very grateful for the medium of journaling and blogging to allow me to get this all down for posterity. I think I will be coming back to this dream for awhile.
My wish for you this Holiday season is that you would live your life mindfully. Take the time to explore who you are and what makes you that way? Do you like it? Wanna change it? It's possible! Take one step at a time towards seeking and becoming the person God, or your higher power, puts on your heart to be. It just takes a few quiet moments here and there of reflection. And as always....
....make it a GREAT day! :)
Here's the setting:
It was a reunion of my high school graduating class. The year isn't clear. But somehow we were able to recreate graduation practice from all those many years ago, and our present day selves were able to interact with our previous selves from 27 or so years ago. Intrigued? Yeah, this is why it's blogworthy. I was kind of hovering over the set up. I could see my marching partner who happened to be class President, and myself, who happened to be a co-vice-president, standing up in front in the gymnasium where we graduated. Everyone was wearing the clothes they had worn for their Senior class pictures. It was clear down to the minute details. We were waiting for the music to start for our recessional and we were standing in little groups chatting. Drifting around me were my closest buddies. My posse from high school. We ran around in a gang of five girls. We weren't exclusive, but we generally ate together, roomed close by one another, (yes, boarding school...explains so much don't it?), and helped each other through the ups and downs of dating and undating, study groups, and all the fun melee that is high school. We were so close that we all took a two week trip to Hawaii the fall after we graduated. Yup, unchaperoned. Five 18 year olds that had so much to learn, but knew that the most important thing was keeping your friends close, took Maui by storm. I'm pretty sure some of the natives there aren't quite the same yet. We've followed each other through life. After college we started a round robin letter that kind of died a slow death with the advent of Facebook. We even all met up at the home of the one of us most centrally located several years into our adult lives. The five of us, sleeping on her living room floor, giggling long into the night. Comparing memories, sharing pics of our children and adventures, reveling in just being together again. Man I love those women! I must include a picture of them. :)
 |
| A few years after graduation |
So...back to my dream. While we were waiting for the music to start, I found myself on floor level, walking slowly up to my 17 year old self. I approached from her side, she didn't see me right away. I took in the yellow dress with the periwinkle scarf that I had chosen so carefully to set off my summer tan before pictures were taken, the well-toned calves (Thanks Grandpa Libby for the heritage) from running and training horses, the way she stood and listened to her friends. She really enjoyed these people. I gently touched her on the arm and she turned towards me. She looked right at me, and I could see her eyes widen as the shock of recognition slowly spread over her features. Her mouth opened slightly. I looked into my 17 year old eyes. My first thoughts as a 44 year old were "Wow! I wore a lot of eye makeup! Whoa, I curled my eyelashes back then? She's pretty, in a take-the-world-by-storm kind of way" It was surreal. My dreams are so vivid. Being connected but seeing my earlier self so objectively.
As her gaze traveled down and then back up, I recall wondering what she was thinking. Hmmm...I never thought I'd go red...I guess my growth spurt never really happened! Her eyes crinkled a little as she saw my laugh lines and eye definition that has been finely tuned over the years. I found myself surprisingly not cringing under her scrutiny. In that split second I became proud of the story my mature form told. I had earned every single characteristic that was different from her young, relatively flawless body.
I looked her over in pure delight at being able to see that young girl again. She looked so strong and confident. I wondered if I could fit into that yellow dress again, but what a small waist, and yikes...I have been sturdy my WHOLE life. :)
I was flooded with the thoughts and dreams of my pre-adult self. It was such a fast realization. I remember her black and white world of absolutes. I wondered if I had compromised over time. Had I let her down? Had I caved on the really important stuff? Would she be proud of what I had built on the foundation she had so thoughtfully laid?
In my dream, as she finished her slow appraisal, she opened her mouth to say something. I leaned forward to catch every word. And then.....my husband's cheery little chime of an alarm went off, and she vanished. Drat it all!! How does that ALWAYS happen?? I swear that God has a dream machine. Here's how I see it. It's like an amphitheater where all the angels gather after protecting their charges all day, singing "Hallelujah!" countless time that don't seem countless to them, and in generally just being angelic. So they all file into this amphitheater for a bit of downtime and lets-vex-an-earthling. The dream starts for the chosen one of the human race and God throws in twists and turns, and JUST AS THE CRUX OF THE DREAM IS ABOUT TO OCCUR, the holy grail is almost captured - the lips of that boy are alllllmost to be tasted (back to high school) - the pinnacle of that mountain is just inches away from being conquered, God bellows in his big booming voice, "Cue the alarm!!!" Why?? Drives me crazy!!!
I've tried to see the positive in this, and have decided that it allows us to create our own ending to our dreams. I've always taken great editorial license in doing just that. Amazingly, we can do this in life too can't we? Now there's a thought for the day. One that you've likely heard uttered from this blog before!
I will never know what words my psyche would have formed for my 17 year old self to say to my 44 year old present self. That will always be a mystery. But I can draw from the dream that no matter if all of your hopes and visions for the future have come true, it's never too late to start working on them. With God's help and guidance, we can overcome HUGE obstacles, the least of which come from our very own present-day mind.
I have some thinking to do, I'm very grateful for the medium of journaling and blogging to allow me to get this all down for posterity. I think I will be coming back to this dream for awhile.
My wish for you this Holiday season is that you would live your life mindfully. Take the time to explore who you are and what makes you that way? Do you like it? Wanna change it? It's possible! Take one step at a time towards seeking and becoming the person God, or your higher power, puts on your heart to be. It just takes a few quiet moments here and there of reflection. And as always....
....make it a GREAT day! :)
 |
| Life long buddies at our 20 year high school reunion. Some of us were still procreating! :) |
Comments
Post a Comment